The "Tell Me About" Method: Breaking the Robotic Routine
Let’s be honest: after a while, being a dad can start to feel like a script.
You walk in, you ask the same three questions, you get the same three shrugs, and you move on to dinner. It’s robotic. It’s transactional. It’s like you’re a manager checking off boxes on a shift report rather than a man connecting with his family.
And man, I know how it feels when you actually try to put in the effort. You ask about their day, hoping for a spark of conversation, and they give you a one-word answer while staring at a screen. It feels like a slap in the face. You think, "Fine, if you don't want to talk, I’ve got things to do anyway." You pull back, the wall gets thicker, and everyone goes back to their own little silos.
The problem isn't that they don't want to talk to you. The problem is that your questions have become a "Dad-bot" routine. If you ask a boring question, you’re going to get a boring answer.
Here’s the Dadtru shift: Stop being the Information Officer and start being a Father.
The "Tell Me About" method
Instead of asking a question that can be answered with a "yes" or a "fine," use a command that invites a story. It breaks the "transactional" cycle.
The Robot Move: "How was your day?"
The Dad Move: "Tell me about the most annoying thing that happened in class today."
The Robot Move: "Did you have a good lunch?"
The Dad Move: "Tell me what the 'mystery meat' in the cafeteria looked like today."
The Spousal Foundation
This isn't just for the kids. In fact, if you want the kids to talk to you, you have to start with your partner. The quality of your marriage sets the climate for your kids. If you and your partner are just trading "logistics" (who’s picking up the kids, what’s for dinner, did you pay the water bill), you’re teaching your kids that relationships are just business deals.
When you use "Tell me about..." with your spouse, you’re showing the kids that home is a place where we actually care about the person, not just the process.
Don't ask: "Did the plumber come?"
Say: "Tell me about how your meeting went—I know you were stressed about it."
When You Get the "Cold Shoulder"
What happens when you try this and they still give you nothing?
Don't take it personally, and don't snap. It’s easy to get defensive and say, "Well, I'm trying to talk to you!" But that just builds the wall higher.
Instead, stay in the pocket. Give them a "Tell me about..." and if they shrug, just sit with them for a minute. Sometimes, the silence is where the real connection starts. They need to see that you aren't just checking a box—you’re actually interested in their world, even the quiet parts.
The Dad Challenge
Tonight, pay attention to how many "transactional" questions you ask.
"Did you do your homework?"
"Did you brush your teeth?"
"Are you hungry?"
Challenge yourself to replace just one of those with a "Tell me about..." invitation. And start with your partner. Show the kids that the woman in your life deserves more than a "What’s for dinner?"
You aren't a supervisor. You're a husband and a father. Act like it.
